“I trusted you!”
The trap of the word “trust”
Hello beloved human on the path. This is not my typical post with stories of travel and love and medicine (of which there are many to come) but a meandering, with a lot of quotations ;), about a topic I have been discussing with others…
What it means to trust. How we use the word trust and all of the tangles of trust.
Trust is such a nebulous term.
Trust, for the most part, is a word that creates confusion, tangled dynamics in relationships and feeds attachment wounds.
Typically when someone says “I trusted you, I can’t believe you (fill in the blank)” they are saying - I put my unmet needs from my unhealed trauma on you and I can’t believe you didn’t heal them. In many cases they are using the word trust to inflict guilt and shame, and loop themselves into the betrayal, punishment, anger, victim cycle because their nervous system feeds on. It’s not entirely their fault but it is their responsibly to bring the projection into consciousness.
“I trusted you to never leave. I trusted you to make me feel safe. I trusted you to love me forever (because they misunderstand and don’t know true love). I trusted you to save me.”
I trust a predator to be a predator. I trust a bird to sing. I trust the sun will rise. I trust my father to be a narcisist. I trust the government to be corrupt. I trust humans to be human. I trust shadow to emerge when it has not been seen by the light and the love it needs- and sometimes (most often) inside the containers where we are “supposed to be the most safe”.
The partner who leaves when you “trusted” them- the Guru/healer who breaks boundaries with a student/client when you “trusted’ them- the government that lies to you about your food, your medicine and protection when you “trusted them…
Are all doing what they are suppose to be doing according to the shadow dance, the polarity dance at play.
I find it most comical (sorry if this feels rude) when people are outraged and astonished when trust is broken at profound levels like within government structures or in the Catholic Church or the world of tantra gurus. The wound does what the wound does and it does it well- that is the wild wisdom of the shadow dance. Our entire system was built upon a wound and you are aghast that there is corruption, the breaking of boundaries and trust?! The fewer shadows our subconscious carries the less “power” the wound has.
(For a deep dive into the psyche and how to navigate your shadow you can read my Ebook)
There are few spaces left on Earth, in this paradigm we live under, where the shadow does not exist. The most bestest ayahuasca shaman, the most amazingest baba guru, the most Eagle feathered Lakota Elder (but less likely and you can ask me why)- are all human and are operating within the shadow of patriarchy.
As a collective the tides are turning us towards new paradigms. We are moving into a great time of community revival - in particular conscious medicine communities, homesteaders, intentional communities- and the dissolution of toxic individualism. Within this transition there are two things that will collide for healing -
The truth that NO ONE can make you feel safe but God. And even then, within Her laws, change is constant. So befriending death and uncertainty is a great way to “guarantee” a feeling of complete safety inside. Try it. It really works.
And that although you are the only one that can walk your path YOU CANNOT DO IT ALONE. Aka- learning to receive and be seen.
Yikes. You have to trust yourself to hold space for yourself within a collective you are willing to trust to hold you- in order to heal. (Which is why I believe mushrooms are blossoming to forefront right now. They are a community medicine. Most things done in isolation or in a hierarchical framework mostly feed more shadow which is why I don’t support legalization of magic mushrooms and really support anyone holding circles for any medicines and healing do so with assistance)
How can we trust anything when we can barely trust ourselves? Most of us are making our choices and establishing relationships from wounded places. Many of us can barely choose to eat what is good for our own body. We cannot decipher the motive of our wound from our wisdom and our innate Goddess given intuition to guide us. Our sovereignty is shattered and so we seek it in places that can never reestablish that original connection to Source itself. This is why in all of my work, no matter what I am serving, the undercurrent of my transmission is the healing of the womb body in all people - especially women. Because the womb is the seat of sovereignty and the wisdom that sets life in balance and re-patterns our collective back to inherent trust in Life and God to guide and provide.
These wounds are deep. Yet, in a conscious collective community who can sit with them, we can heal them by shifting our own consciousness and take deeper responsibility for our own lives rather than making more rules that only promote more hiding and shaming of the shadow.
So- when we all gather, especially if there are people at the helm holding space- it is imperative that we take responsibility for ourselves and make an effort to know our shadows, understand how the psyche works, how trauma moves and that the words we speak carry a lot of weight. Our words are prayers that can provide soul direction or paralyzation depending on which story they rise out of from within us.
So when we say “I trust you to….” be wise to which part of you is speaking. You can only know this by walking deep into your blessed shadow. And since we cannot entirely see our shadow, having mentors and a badass community fostering the same goal of conscious awareness is imperative.
When a seeker walks into the Guru’s chambers typically she is carrying a boat load of unmet childhood wounds. She is seeking daddy to love her or mother to feed her. And because she learned love through wounding and abandonment- a part of her ( a VERY strong part of her that will overwhelm the psychic space) is seeking wounding and abandonment. This sucks that role out of the shadow of the other. It is literally that powerful. The third thing, the tantric emergence between the two people, instead of being a true tantric awakening is often the thing that must first be healed.
I cannot emphasize enough how strong the subconscious realm is and how these entities and complexes play out in the field between two people and in a community. Which is why to put all of your trust in another is opening the door for shadow to waltz right through. These shadows take even the best Shaman down unless she has met God, truly met God, in Her heart. Unity consciousness, the transmission that severs all needs for wound attachment and unhealthy ego attachment, is the healing of the shaman- and she must still stay devoted to that alignment daily. A healer who really heals thyself- can be trusted to help you do the same.
It is true that the breaking of boundaries in these vulnerable spaces is an attrocity. And as adults we are all responsible for this. Those who can be named victims are the innocent who need to be protected from predatory harm and abandonment from those who are meant to nourish them. And that group of innocents are children, the mentally ill, those with special needs and the elderly who are not elders.
I am NOT saying that if someone is harmed in a relationship of any sort it is their fault. I am saying that we get stronger as a collective when we can look at the psychic soup, dive in to swim with our own muck, be honest with ourselves about why it is happening rather than build more walls, shame people into further shadow, become over-complicit with victim mentality and in some cases, punish really good people for being human- for doing what we can trust them to do.
It is layered and I have seen really integrous people fall into a trap by someone who consented or even approached the “healer” with wanting deeper connection, and the healer said yes to the connection as long as they took space from any “professional connections” and did it right and honest- but down the road when the relationship didn’t work the victim cry came out of the client/student because the attachment wound flared and that very incredible human who was helping so many was punished- even though they stood up to do their own healing work around it.
We are all trying to outsource our healing through our mother/father wounds- so that is what will be reenacted until there is an awakening of awareness and consciousness within us all.
We have boundaries and agreements for “healers” and those they serve because that is a very sensitive space that needs the upmost integrity. However, the only reason these agreements and rules have to exist is because we live under the rule of abuse- so that is in the field. Power has been corrupted to mean hierarchy and forced externalization of trust and reliance. We also have boundaries to protect any cross projection in the space which is why we are not “supposed to” heal those closest to our hearts like family, friends, lovers etc.
Within indigenous societies the midwife/healer, shaman/healer- was the grandmother, wife, father of those she/he served. No one ever said- you can’t help her or teach her because she is your…. Ancient cultures had sovereignty and were very open about shadow and community healing. Not to fetishize them as there has been shadow for 1000s of years and has affected all groups. But, if you ask a Wixarika (Huichol) shaman about abuse they will look at you astonished (unfortunately they are now being infiltrated with this shadow) as such things as fathers hurting their daughters simply did not exist.
Anyhow. I trust you to feel how you are going to feel about this.
I trust us all to be able to look, with a very open heart that has met its naïveté and has rooted itself into the strength it takes to heal, at the shadows we all carry dancing round and round until we wake up to the only One we can trust to serve us, save us, heal us…
Love and all Her mysteries. Amen. Blessed be.
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